What am I afraid of?

Husband has been doing quite a bit of traveling for work lately - far more than he has ever done in the past (almost) 5 years that he's had this job. (He's also finished traveling for now.) It started after Thanksgiving when some other employee quit, and instead of hiring someone new, the clients decided that Husband will take over parts of her duties. (Cause he doesn't have enough to do already! The man is seriously overworked, in my opinion, but that's a whole other post.)


This woman's duties included learning some new software and then traveling around training operators on how to use the software. First, Husband had to travel to the training center, and now is being sent all over the state to train new people. So, he lives the "high life" (lonely) on the road - hotels, food, mileage on a rental car instead his own, but the kids & I are at home attempting life as usual.


Aside from the obvious (I am doing EVERYthing for the house & the kids), I truly HATE it when he travels. Unfortunately, I have also been not-so-nice to him about it either. It's not his fault, but he's a horrible conversationalist over the phone, and I hate the fact that I'm not really talking to him or able to hug him either. Therefore, instead of logically discussing it with him, I just argue with him instead. Cause I'm mature like that.


I figured my funk had more to do with being spread too thin & overstressed.... but if I am being honest with myself it has nothing to do with that. Yes, life has royally stunk this past month, but it goes on. We've all adjusted, and in some ways I am interacting better with the kids than I was before. (and worse in others, but let's not get into that.)


No, instead my funk results from one of my greatest fears: that he will die suddenly, and the family of 3 will be permanent. I fear that this life with him traveling all the time is merely a training ground for me to realize that I would be okay with the kids, house, and job all by myself. Quite frankly, I would prefer to just learn the lesson and keep the husband, but that doesn't make the fear go away.


Nothing quite like laying yourself open on the Internet. :)

Idiot Moment of the Day

We spent a lot of time together as a family this past weekend. It felt nice - we all got along, had fun, and shared some food.

Probably one of the best things we've done in a while.... so I guess it stands to reason that I managed to follow it up with one of the dumbest things I have done in YEARS.

Since there was so much quality time I got a little behind on my weekend domestic duties, namely the laundry. So after I got home today I tossed a load of whites into the washer. We didn't have quite a full load so I started tossing in some other things that needed a good healthy cleansing, since I usually add (color safe) bleach to this load.

Cut to the stupid part. I added in Bug's sneakers. His black sneakers. That have never been washed before.

Bird's only set of bedsheets, a pair of my khakis, a pair of Husband's khakis, and a stack of husband's t-shirts are all now sporting varying purple stains. So are some socks & underwear, but they don't count.

I am so angry with myself. I know better!!!

I have them all soaking in the washer right now in some incredibly hot water, some Shout & a lot more bleach. Will see what happens. Fingers crossed.

Because sometimes I don't trust my own tongue.

My in-laws are currently visiting us & have been here since Wednesday evening. We don't see them as often as we see my parents, so I am happy that the kids finally seem cemented in who they are. I have always wanted my children to have a good relationship with their grandparents, even though neither set lives locally. Thanks to pictures and telephones that is made a whole lot easier.

But sometimes people say things that are not intended to annoy you, and it just grates on you until you worry that you will say something you will regret.

For example, this morning while I was showering and Husband was out running, they put a movie in for the children. Even though I had just told the kids no movie till they got dressed & had breakfast. Not to mention the fact that it was awfully early to watch the one movie they get to pick each day.

Then, once everyone had dressed & eaten & we were all lounging around waiting for the movie to finish, my mother-in-law said "When the boys were little, we didn't have dvds and such for them. Not that it mattered, cause they never really watched tv anyway."

Let's ignore the fact that the only thing she does most days is watch tv.

Let's ignore the fact that she is the first one to force Bird to sit through an entire movie (Cinderella).

Let's ignore the fact that she repeatedly teaches Bird that it's more fun to sit & watch tv than it is to go run around & play. (I admit to this one a little bit too, but what mother doesn't on occasion? But seriously, I have never advocated the 24/7 television viewing)

Let's ignore the fact that after Elmo was over, she still asked if they could watch Annie this afternoon. (um... NO. they still only get one movie a day, a fact that they will surely regret since they offered to babysit for us tonight.)

Finally, let's ignore the fact that I am being snarky and petty and hope that since I've typed this here I can let go of this and treat my houseguests properly.